Syndu’s home page

Hey all!!!

Since I last spoke to you all, things are starting to get better. Not only for me, but also for Dambulla, the doctor said that she will have to stay in hospital for a few more nights.. but it is not long now until she will be home. It has been very quiet without her around the house and i am really looking forward to seeing her home and well. I have also decided that it will be best that i don’t tell her about our father until she’s ready, I am worried that getting her home form hospital and telling her is going to cause even more problems.  Saudi is also starting to get better. Well, he’s still very quiet but he is eating well and also talking to me about what’s going on. I found out that he is geting picked on at school and wants to leave, I really dont know what to do as he said that the teachers havent done anything about the situation either. I just want him to stay in school.

Since i have started blogging I have gotten some really nice comments from people that are from all over the world!!!  One of the comments was from this very sweet teenage girl living in New York. Her lifestyle is completely different to myn but when I got her lovely comment I began to realise that I need to lift my chin up and start turning things around. So NY girl, Thankyou VERY much!!! Even though you are a teenager you have managed to help me to see light on situaitons.. despite how bad some of them can be. I have also recieved a comment from a young girl named Daria,  (i really like that name). It is very hard for me at times to be looking after my younger siblings in the footsteps of my own mother. Lately I have been feling as though I have let my mother down, with Dambulla being sick and Saudi being picked on, but eventually you realise that you are doing your best and you cannot do anymore than that. Truely, I am suprised that I have managed to look after them both this far. Thankyou for your sympathy, you have really helped me. But I also have some advice for you, dont take being a teenager as a way of being helpless to people around you. It is amazing what you can do for someone even when you just listen to them, because sometimes, all they need is to know that someone cares.

I have a good job at the super market now, and i think in a little while i wil be able to afford to take Dambulla and Saudi out. At first i must say that when my friend suggested me to start talking on the internet about my feelings, i thought that it was abit of a silly idea. I believed that if I cant talk to people around me about my issues, then how am I going to be able to talk to people on the internet. And now I can finally see why people so it. It dosen’t matter how much you are going through or how little, it is always nice to have someone to talk to about your problems and know that they care.

Lately I have been keeping very busy with my new job and making sure that everything at the moment is going well. This including preparing the house for when Dambulla gets home. Some days i sit down and wish it would all stop, but keeping busy has helped me so that I dont sit down and just think about the bad things that have occured in life. Because doing that wouldnt have gotten me anywhere. Now that I am thinking about it all i am finding it hard to write, so I will get going for now and write to all again soon, Thankyou NY girl and Daria… i hope everything is working out for the two of you,

Syndu xo

Today I got a knock on the door. It was the IPS… Indian Police Service… My father had a car accident on his way home from work and didnt survive. It took the ISP over a month to work out that he had children and where we were. I bet that that group of numb brains just have no sympathy fo the family of these victims… OVER A MONTH!!!!!!! As you can tell, I couldnt beleive it at first.

The constable apologised for our loss, tipped his hat and walked away. I haven’t told Dambulla yet, Saudi was in the kitchen when the IPS came and hasn’t spoken since. I feel terrible, I cannot talk to anyone about it, my friends have either moved away or they dont understand and I dont have any grandparents or parents to talk to. I need to get away from here, everything around me is just falling apart. I also lost my job today, for a completely unfair reason. I began to get a sharp pain in my stomach and felt really dizzy, so I sat down. One of the ladies saw me and got me a drink of water from her bag, when my boss saw that we wern’t working he ordered us to get up and go to his office. I just couldnt, even the thought of standing up made me feel worse than ever. When he saw that I wouldnt get up he picked me up and told me to get out and not to step another foot near the factory. I dont know what happened after that. I woke up out the back of the factoy and stumbled to me feet, I managed to walk home. I cannot help but think that I have let my family down.  My arm hurts really bad, as im now typing it is now purple and blue. I wish I could’ve been a boy, that would be a better life, better pay, and better respect. We would be able to say when we dont want to do something and not get attacked for it. We could go away and work for weeks on end and never have to go home and feel guilty for not being there. I really do wish that I could change my life.With the money that was left in my fathers car I was able to take Dambulla to the hospital. He said that she’s very sick and requested thats he stayed over night to be watched.  At least she will have a better chance there than here with me. I don’t know how you will be able to believe all of this, and if you do than i doubt that you’ll be able to give me some sought of advice… I can’t even believe this is happening to me myself…..

“Yes sir, No sir, Sorry sir”… I would rather jump off the Taj Mahal than hear, or better say those words again! I had a terrible day today, we wernt even able too cough without our boss wondering why we wernt working harder. I dont like it there, I have so many pin pricks from the needles that it hurts to touch anything. I wish I could leave but under the circumstances we need the money. I’m lucky because my boss knows my father and so he lets me leave work early to get home to my brother and sister. I haven’t seen my father in nearly two weeks now and am starting to get worried. He’s usually home at the end of every week; it wouldnt surprise me if he’d just decided not to come home to this winging family. Saudi is 14, which is good because now when he finishes school he will go to the village and help on the farm. Although, right now we are struggling more than ever  because Dambulla, has got the flu and she dosent seem to be getting any better. I dont know what to do, I cant take her to the doctor because we dont even have enough money to buy tonight’s dinner… She’s only 8. I wish mum was here to give me some advice, she always knew what to do when I was sick. I guess I’m just not cut out for this. I know she’s there watching me, I just hope she knows i am doing my best to keep Dambulla and  Saudi safe. My friend met a guy in the Indian Cuisine the other day, she said that he offered her a job in Sri Lanka as a waitress. I was thinking about asking her if she could ask if he had a job for me. At least i’ll be able to get some extra money for the family. 

25th May 2008

 I havent had a chance to write anything lately as i have been so busy with Dambulla and I managed to pick up another job. Its not much in pay, but the more money i can get to help Dambulla, the better. Her cough has gotten worse than what it was before and she just seems to continue to look worse than what she did the day before. My father hasnt been home either. I went into the village the other day and asked one of his oldest friends if he had seen him, but Jammu just said the last time that he saw my father was when he was leaving for work a month ago.

I dont know what to say to Dambulla, im not too worried about Saudi because he’s older and already seems to have figured out that dads not comming back home. I’m just worried that they wont cope loosing both parents.